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STELLA SELECT XI – I o W Tour 2010

Purple T shirts, leering at girls, and ending up like the Dukes of Hazzard

As told on the Forum

Dear Gez , thank you for your deposit of £250.00 for your booking from 09/07/09-11/07/09 for 15 people in two single , one triple, one twin with a double bed and a bunk bed as mentioned.

Assuming Engerland get to the final Yes I know Jabs Sconnie Botland won't be there All we need to do is play the game at midday - say 20/20 and get a ferry by 4ish gives 2 1/2 hrs from Southhampton. The semis (ooh er missus) should be over before we leave so plenty of time to reorganise.
We will now be playing Wootton, who we normally play on the Sunday, on the Saturday, and the Sunday game has been abandoned. This will allow us to get home in our own time to watch England beat Germany in the final.
This means only two fixtures for the weekend, but allows greater flexibility in team selection (i.e. us old bastards won't have to try and play three games in a weekend!), and takes the pressure off the return journey.
A morning/lunchtime 'activity' will have to be organised for the Sunday. Maybe a return of the proper Jabba trophy. Does anyone know of a nice pitch-and-put on the island?

Now had final confirmation of both fixtures:
Friday 9th v Carisbrooke School Old Boys - 6.00pm start at Northwood CC, 20 overs.
Saturday 10th v Wootton C.C. - 2.00 pm start, Palmers Road, Wootton
(artificial wicket).

1. Eddie
2. Kissi
3. Robbie
4. Jonty
5. Basha
6. Robbie
7, LTB
8. Gez
9. Baller
10. Matty Ball
11. Stumpy
12. Smiffy
13. Copey
14. Yusain Terry

on my way to Bath.
Some questoins remain;
1. Should I buy new pants or not?
2. How lost will I get?
3. Do i really like cider?
4. How long til Kissi gets brained by a bottle in the bus by Basha?
5. when is the first wee stop?

FRIDAY: New breakfast venue, Homebase car park. Football- making noises at girls on their way to work. No Gez. Hanging his breakfast out he window so it is nice and cool. Cider- pour it into a barrel. Then some more. Making good time. Ferry nice weather

The next bit is left from 2008 as it was the same.

Soon the saltiness of the brekkie got to some Stella’s and they became thirsty. Gez (or is it Bambi) was forced to crack open a can of cider at 08:30. It must be said he was swiftly followed by other members of the party and cans of Guinness and bottles of cider an lager were soon consumed. Surprisingly Jonty was not one of those involved in this alcohol abuse he preferred soda water instead (Post tour note; although the other Stellas were concerned at this shocking event the Pictish one restored the natural order of things by boozing almost constantly from the Friday afternoon onwards – including texting his fellow tourists that he was a bit psissed in the Hobgoblin on the Monday PM).

Kissi, after a taste of cider, soon reached fever pitch. His main target of frivolity was Basha. After some light hearted banter Bash decided to defy the Laws of Physics be flying from the front seat to the back, where Kissi was,  to administer some rough justice on the Mouthy One. Basher, LLLL & Jonty were caught in the crossfire but didn’t mind as it was Kissi who was getting the beating.

Unsurprisingly Kissi did not heed Basha’s warning and proceeded with his gentle ribbing of the Bish. This resulted in two further acts of chastisement from Bash, one biting Kissi’s finger and more successfully smacking him on the head with a bottle. This act calmed Kissi down for all of 5 minutes.

The Tour CD was played, well done Ed. However some of the younger element did not get Ed’s subtlety in choosing the tracks (Although the Dead Kennedy’s Too Drunk to F***) cam close to haunting a Tour member – actually to drunk to chat up is nearer the mark!!).

After leaving all the luggage in the hotel, our rooms weren’t ready, the beech was invaded. More SOCCER and American Football was attempted. Kissi went for an unplanned swim assisted by LTB and Stumpy. The rest of the afternoon passed of peacefully. Lunch and a few beers were taken, Jonty had his first pint of the tour.

17:00 hours and the Stellas boarded the bus for the game against Carrisbrooke Old Boys. Stumpy who kept banging on how he used to live on the island confidently took over SAT NAV duties aided by Smiffy who was confident about finding the ground as it would have a big red circle round it – as it did on Eddie’s map.  2010- Still looking for big red circle!

Thanks to SNS – Sat Nav Stumpy we got lost and arrived at the ground late. Only to find some sort of Yoof game being played. Apparently it was a final and medals were warded to the victors. This confused some Stella as they are not used to the idea of being rewarded for playing Cricket , rather their aim is to finish a game with some dignity – some hope!!.

The sun went in and the clouds came out, this was to prove a tradition on this tour. Once The Stellas went to play cricket, leaving the hotel in glorious sunshine, the weather would turn foul when the grounds were eventually reached. Gez (I can’t be bothered with the Bambi bit now OK), as skipper, introduced himself to the opposition. He was a bit shocked when he was asked if he was Gerald, The name Gerald was not known to most of the Stellas outside Eddie’s inner sanctum, however most of them consider the name Gez to be slightly less embarrassing.

After the game the pig was hungry and a promise of a fine meal at the Chinese in Newport was anticipated. Gez it had to be said was very abrasive towards Jonty in the clubhouse. All Jonty was doing was his KOTW impression (several times by the way).  Thanks to Carrisbrooke for a good game played in the right spirit and the hospitality was much appreciated.

SATURDAY: Brekkie was taken and the hangovers did not seem to bad. The weather was set fine so a stroll along the beech was in order. The party trekked to a pitch and put course and teed off in groups of three. Highlights of this pale imitation of the great game include LTB, an 18 handicapper, giving golf lessons to Stumpy then proceeding to hit chip shots along the ground. Kissing proved his accuracy when trying to hit Gez, Jonty or Basha he whacked Neil on the thigh from about 5 meters much to the amusement of Basha. Who won – who cares but it proved a good tour bonding session. A stroll back along the front was interrupted by fine fish suppers for lunch.


After the game it was suggested both teams went for a pint, the venue ……… the pub on the corner. . They appeared to enjoy it but their laughter could be considered to be of the nervous kind. On leaving Karen gave all the Stellas a kiss and a cuddle which the nearest most of them had come to sex this millennium. Another round was bought and Jonty proved his natural poise and grace by falling off his chair.

Back to the hotel for a wash and a change and a couple of bevies then the party set off to find a steakhouse, fortunately after our previous directional disasters it was only down the hill.

Lots of red meat and red wine was consumed. The party left the steakhouse and split into two. The children, LLLL Kissi Neil, went to a club. Whilst the more mature ones found a pub. In the club the only single one got too pissed to chat up the girlies that Neil had been grooming for him.

The Old Gits then went back to the hotel and a lot more alcohol was consumed than the previous evening. The undoubted highlight of the evening, if not the tour happened. It was the decision by LTB & Gez to redecorate the kiddie’s room. They were aided by Stumpy who is now known as Andrex. The result was filmed by Jonty and a video clip may appear on the website – only Smiffy can tell.

More drink was taken and LTB took advantage of some over served Stellas by taking their pictures in a tired state.



IMy I add to the sentiments already expressed.
Hugely enjoyable!
Thanks to Copey/Gezzer for organsing, Jonty for excellent shirts, Copey/Gez/LTB for driving.
Kissi for only being mildly mental, and Neil for the attire of the weekend (he truly is a Gaylord!).
Apologies to anyone I've missed.
I am much relieved that I didn't join you lot at the club later. I was asleep within 15 minutes of getting home!

Well it's like this.
Some jobsworth tosser that was following the bus took exception to a american footy going under his car and decided to note down all of our apparent misdemeanors like  
- lobbing things out of the window
- alighting (good word) from the bus before it had stopped
- leaving our seats to beat the crap out of Kissi and take his shorts off
- and erractic driving resulting in other drivers having to take evasive action.
So guess what - he reported it to the police who then wanted the drivers name.
I've heard nothin since but needless to say i wont volunteer to drive on the next tour .

Ges said:

Below is my proposed response to the letter from Wilts Police.
Can you let me know if you think any changes should be made please.
Be quick as i want to respond on Monday.
Thank you for your letter of 16th July 2010 regarding the above
I thought it might be prudent and help matters if I accompanied the returned enclosed form with a quick explanation of the alleged offence.
I believe I recall the incident in question.  Whilst travelling north along the A36 an American football accidentally fell out of one of the windows on the nearside of the vehicle.  It was an extremely hot day and so all of the windows were open.  As it occurred on a stretch of road with no pavements we felt it inappropriate to stop and try to retrieve the article and so I carried on.  In fact at the time the article fell out of the window I myself was not aware of it as I was concentrating on the road.  The other passengers informed me moments later.  At no point during this occurrence was any door of the vehicle opened.
A little further down the road one of the passengers was feeling very travel sick and was threatening to vomit and so I indicated left and pulled off the A36 into a car park on the left hand side of the road.  In their obvious rush to get out of the vehicle the person in question may have opened the door at the point that I was stopping.  At no time should this action have involved or affected any other road user or cause another driver to take any form of evasive action.  If this is indeed the case then they have my apologies but, for obvious reasons, we simply did not want any passenger to vomit in a hired vehicle.
Yours sincerely